Module #6
Consultation, Marriage

According to the teachings of Bahá’u’lláh the family, being a human unit, must be educated according to the rules of sanctity. All the virtues must be taught the family. The integrity of the family bond must be constantly considered, and the rights of the individual members must not be transgressed. The rights of the son, the father, the mother--none of them must be transgressed, none of them must be arbitrary. Just as the son has certain obligations to his father, the father, likewise, has certain obligations to his son. The mother, the sister and other members of the household have their certain prerogatives. All these rights and prerogatives must be conserved, yet the unity of the family must be sustained. The injury of one shall be considered the injury of all; the comfort of each, the comfort of all; the honor of one, the honor of all.”
{‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 168}

OBJECTIVES :

	1)	How do individuals, families, and Bahá’í Institutions make decisions? {Consultation}

	2)	Why do we subjugate all egotism and unruly passion, and then cultivate frankness, 			freedom of thought as well as courtesy, openness of mind, and wholehearted 				acquiescence of the majority decision?

	3)	What are the laws regarding marriage? (plurality, age, parental consent, engagement, ceremony, multi religious unions, chastity both physical and mental...)

	4)	Describe Bahá’í engagement.

	5)	What is the purpose of marriage? 

	6)	Is divorce allowed, and if so, under what circumstances? What is a year of patience?

	7)	What are the dynamics of the family, and the interactions of the various individuals as described in the sacred Writings?

DEFINITIONS: (Basic Bahá’í Dictionary, Editor Wendi Momen, George Ronald Press 1989)

Chastity: 
A high standard of moral behavior which should distinguish the lives of Bahá’í’s of both sexes and which Shoghi Effendi has explained “must contribute its proper share to the strengthening and vitalization of the Bahá’í community, upon which must in turn depend the success of any Bahá’í plan or enterprise…A chaste and holy life must be made the controlling principle in the behaviour and conduct of all Bahá’ís, both in their social relations with the members of their own community, and in their contact with the world at large.”

“Such a chaste and holy life, with its implications of modesty, purity, temperance, decency, and clean-mindedness, involves no less than the exercise of moderation in all that pertains to dress, language, amusements, and all artistic and literary avocations. It demands daily vigilance in the control of one's carnal desires and corrupt inclinations. It calls for the abandonment of a frivolous conduct, with its excessive attachment to trivial and often misdirected pleasures. It requires total abstinence from all alcoholic drinks, from opium, and from similar habit-forming drugs. It condemns the prostitution of art and of literature, the practices of nudism and of companionate marriage, infidelity in marital relationships, and all manner of promiscuity, of easy familiarity, and of sexual vices. It can tolerate no compromise with the theories, the standards, the habits, and the excesses of a decadent age. Nay rather it seeks to demonstrate, through the dynamic force of its example, the pernicious character of such theories, the falsity of such standards, the hollowness of such claims, the perversity of such habits, and the sacrilegious character of such excesses.” 
{Shoghi Effendi in Advent of Divine Justice, p. 24 }

Shoghi Effendi points out, however, that the law of chastity does not imply that Bahá’ís are puritanical: “the maintenance of such a high standard of moral conduct is not to be associated or confused with any form of asceticism, or of excessive and bigoted puritanism. The standard inculcated by Bahá’u’lláh , seeks, under no circumstances, to deny any one the legitimate right and privilege to derive the fullest advantage and benefit from the manifold joys, beauties, and pleasures with which the world has been so plentifully enriched by an All-Loving Creator.” {Shoghi Effendi in Advent of Divine Justice, p. 28 }

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Consultation: 
A form of discussion between individuals and within groups. It is the method by which Bahá’ís make decisions within their administrative bodies. Bahá’ís are encouraged to use consultation in making personal or family decision. It is a “process for producing change in order to accomplish some definite purpose. This involves a sharing and interaction of thoughts and feelings in a spirit of love and harmony.”

Consultation is one of the “two luminaries” of the “heaven of divine wisdom,” the “lamp. of guidance.” Bahá’u’lláh enjoined, “Take ye counsel together in all matters, inasmuch as consultation is the lamp of guidance which leadeth the way, and is the bestower of understanding.” {Bahá’u’lláh qouted in Heaven Compilation no. 1}
Consultation requires the “subjugation of all egotism and unruly passions, the cultivation of frankness and freedom of thought as well as courtesy, openness of mind, and wholehearted acquiescence in a majority decision.” 
{Universal House of Justice in Wellspring of Guidance, p. 96}

“…Consultation must have for its object the investigation of truth. He who expresses an opinion should not voice it as correct and right but set it forth as a contribution to the consensus of opinion, for the light of reality becomes apparent when two opinions coincide. A spark is produced when flint and steel come together. Man should weigh his opinions with the utmost serenity, calmness and composure. Before expressing his own views he should carefully consider the views already advanced by others. If he finds that a previously expressed opinion is more true and worthy, he should accept it immediately and not willfully hold to an opinion of his own. By this excellent method he endeavors to arrive at unity and truth.”
{'Abdu'l-Bahá in Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 72}

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Engagement: 
“Bahá'í marriage is the commitment of the two parties one to the other, and their mutual attachment of mind and heart. Each must, however, exercise the utmost care to become thoroughly acquainted with the character of the other, that the binding covenant between them may be a tie that will endure forever. Their purpose must be this: to become loving companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and eternity…”
{'Abdu'l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Bahá, p. 118}

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Marriage: 
According to the Kitab-i-Aqdas, marriage is “highly recommended but not obligatory.” 
{Bahá’u’lláh in Synopsis of the Kitab-i-Aqdas, p. 39}  Plurality of wives is forbidden, both partners must be at least fifteen years of age and both parties must consent, as well as their parents. Bahá’ís must be married in a Bahá’í ceremony, witnessed by two representatives of a spiritual assembly. The only requirement for the Bahá’í ceremony is the recitation by bride and groom of the following verse which constitutes the Bahá’í marriage vow: “We will all, verily, abide by the Will of God.” {Bahá’u’lláh in Synopsis of the Kitab-i-Aqdas, p. 59} The engagement period must not exceed ninety-five days. The Kitab-i-Aqdas also specifies the payment of a dowry to be given by the man to the woman, but at present the provisions of the law relating to the engagement period and dowry are applied only to Iranians.

When one partner is not a Bahá’í it is permissible to participate in the ceremony of another faith as long as it does not involve a declaration of faith in another religion and as long as the ceremony occurs in the same twenty-four-hour period as the Bahá’í ceremony.
{Lights of Guidance, no. 1410}

Bahá’u’lláh writes: “And when He desired to manifest grace and beneficence to men, and to set the world in order, He revealed observances and created laws; among them He established the law of marriage, made it as a fortress for well-being and salvation, and enjoined it upon us in that which was sent down out of the heaven of sanctity in His Most Holy Book. He saith, great is His glory: "Marry, O people, that from you may appear he who will remember Me amongst My servants; this is one of My commandments unto you; obey it as an assistance to yourselves.” {Bahá’u’lláh, Bahá’í Prayers}

'Abdu'l-Baha described the nature of Bahá’í marriage: “Bahá’í marriage is the commitment of the two parties one to the other, and their mutual attachment of mind and heart. Each must, however, exercise the utmost care to become thoroughly acquainted with the character of the other, that the binding covenant between them may be a tie that will endure forever. Their purpose must be this: to become loving companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and eternity…The true marriage of Bahá’ís is this, that the husband and wife should be united both physically and spiritually, that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy everlasting unity throughout all the worlds of God. This is Bahá’í marriage.” 
{‘Abdu’l-Bahá in Some Answered Questions, p. 118}

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Year of patience: 
The period of separation that must be observed before a divorce can be granted under Bahá’í law: “The purpose of the year of waiting is to attempt the saving of a marital relationship. which was originally accepted as valid in the eyes of the Bahá’ís , and is now in jeopardy.”

A couple wishing a divorce must inform the spiritual assembly which “has the duty of trying to reconcile the parties before setting the date for the beginning of the year of patience. If no reconciliation is possible, and actual repugnance is found to exist between the parties, then the Assembly may record a date which is the beginning of the year of patience. During the ensuing year, it is highly desirable that, if opportunity arises, further efforts at reconciliation should be made. The Assembly also has the duty to see that just arrangements are made for the support of dependents during the year of patience. If, at the end of the year, no reconciliation is possible, then the Assembly may grant the Bahá’í divorce.”
{Lights of Guidance, no. 804}

According to the Kitab-i-Aqdas, “if at any time during the waiting period affection should recur, the marriage tie is valid.”
{Bahá’u’lláh, Synopsis of the Kitab-i-Aqdas, p. 42}

QUOTES:

"Consultation bestoweth greater awareness and transmuteth conjecture into certitude. It is a shining light which, in a dark world, leadeth the way and guideth. For everything there is and will continue to be a station of perfection and maturity. The maturity of the gift of understanding is made manifest through consultation."
{Bahá'u'lláh, Consultation: A Compilation, p. 3}

“Let us also bear in mind that the keynote of the Cause of God is not dictatorial authority but humble fellowship, not arbitrary power, but the spirit of frank and loving consultation. Nothing short of the spirit of a true Bahá’í can hope to reconcile the principles of mercy and justice, of freedom and submission, of the sanctity of the right of the individual and of self-surrender, of vigilance, discretion and prudence on the one hand, and fellowship, candor, and courage on the other.” 
{Shoghi Effendi, Bahá’í Administration, p. 64}

“All men have been created to carry forward an ever-advancing civilization. The Almight beareth me witness:To act like the beasts of the field is unworthy of man. Those virtues that befit his dignity are forebearance, mercy, compassion and loving-kindness towards all the peoples and kindreds of the earth.”
{Bahá’u’lláh, Gleanings, p. 215}

RECOMMENDED READINGS:

	The Bahá'í Community - compilation
	Bahá'í Marriage and Family Life - compilation
	A Chaste and Holy Life - compilation
	Consultation: A Compilation
	Lights of Guidance
	Living the Life
	Individual Rights and Freedoms in the World Order of Bahá'u'lláh by the Universal House of 		Justice
	Developing Distinct Bahá’í Communities - by the USA National Spiritual Assembly
	Brilliant Star Magazine